Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
