I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
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woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
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Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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