Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
