The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
