you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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