I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
