why didn't you poke me back
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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