...so i touched it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
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I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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