see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
