he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
