you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
