shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
