I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
