Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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