Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
