It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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