i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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