I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Couch. On fire.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
