8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
