just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
