I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
