I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
A bitchslap is in order.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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