and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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