I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
