The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
