well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
