please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
