I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
