I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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