how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
