Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
