Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
foreskin is a definite game changer
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
