So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
