he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
