Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Never joke about your clitoris.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
