false alarm. still invincible.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
