I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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