I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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