i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
