I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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