just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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