weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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