now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
