grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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