On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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