If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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