Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
