no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
