America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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