I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
