Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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