you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Enjoy the penises
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
