Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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