i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
