He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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