Where is the hickey?
It was confusing and full of hummus
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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