I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize